I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
