it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could fuck to npr.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
