too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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