i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
