About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
