when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
