home. puking in laundry basket.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
