They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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