i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
