i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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