she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
