So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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