mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
