the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
