you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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