i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
