When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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