So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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