the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I understand Curling. That high.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
