So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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