you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
