My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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