he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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