I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
