You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
