community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
