i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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