Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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