So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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