Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
