he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
