So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
