Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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