Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
