Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
