he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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