Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
