Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
