sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
sarcasm needs its own font
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
