i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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