I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
