I CAN MOONWALK!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
