Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
