I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
