I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
