do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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