He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
