I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
