I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
