If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
