drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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