saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
