Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
